No Jewish jokes, just Jewish humor.

Author Archive


A band of warriors rides up to the high ridge, the sun at their backs. Their bows and lances are ready as they prepare to attack the foe. These are brave men, owners of many coups and scalps, the ones who are feasted by the village while they boast and proudly sing their brave-heart songs.

One warrior sits to the rear of the column. He is pale and thin but a nice boy nonetheless. He wears horn-rimmed glasses and a sweater so he won’t catch cold. Once, he was sent east to learn the ways of the White Man. Unfortunately he got on the wrong train and arrived not at Dartmouth, but Yeshiva. He now returns to help The People. His name….”Stands with a Knish”.

Their leader, the revered warrior, Crazy Horse, turns and commands with a thunderous voice using words to set the weakest heart ablaze, “Cowards to the rear, brave hearts follow me…this is a GOOD DAY TO DIE!”

Stands with a Knish turns to the man next to him and says, “What is he talking about, ‘this is a good to day to die’? This is a TERRIBLE day to die! It’s hot, it’s dusty, the sun’s too bright and my allergies are acting up. I think yesterday was a much better day to die, don’t you think. Or how about tomorrow? Yeah, I think tomorrow will be a good day to die, too. C’mon, let’s go back to the tipi and eat.”

His comrade looks at Stands and glares reproachfully. “Don’t you know that a true warrior is never afraid of death? After all, only Earth and Sky last forever.”

Stands with a Knish is taken aback. “Oh yeah? Let me tell you about my Aunt Mimi (May she rest). She made latkes that, believe you me, ‘lasted forever’ too. My sister, Doris, and I would swear that she would trot the same ones out every Chanukah for how many years, I can’t remember. My parents would PLOTZ just looking at them! And you know what?….”

By now, Stands is alone on the hill talking to himself while the battle rages in the valley below. As he stops to clean his glasses, the warriors gallop back in triumph. Stands notices something hairy and glistening hanging from the tip of their lances.

“What are those things anyway? They’re what?…. Bist meshugeh! Are you crazy! You can’t walk around with those things! They’re going to attract bugs, mice, germs and the next thing you know, we’ll all get sick! Couldn’t you take something cleaner, like maybe their business cards?”

The warriors roll their eyes at each other and ride off ahead, muttering to themselves. “So much for the White Man’s education,”. It has most certainly ruined their brother, Stands with a Knish.

Needless to say, Stands with a Knish never made it as a warrior. Instead, he went back East, became a respected schochet and married a nice girl from a good Northern Cheyenne and Ashkenazi family.

And Aunt Mimi’s latkes? Well, in truth, they can be found today in the Smithsonian Institute, erroneously exhibited as a genuine Native American artifact.

Thank you, Daniel A. Brown, for submitting this joke.

Category : Jewish Humor | Blog

Lacking fins or tail
The gefilte fish swims with
Great difficulty.

Category : Jew Haiku | Blog

One day a Jewish man wakes up late for a new job interview. He quickly takes a shower, eats breakfast, and gets into his car. When he finally gets there, he can’t find any parking places. He looks and looks, but he just doesn’t find one.

Finally he prays to God and says, “God if you find me a parking spot, I’ll go to synagogue every Saturday morning and I will never lie again.”

Two minutes later, he finds a parking spot out of the blue and says, “Never mind God. I found one!”

Category : Jewish Humor | Blog

If you have a Gentile joke, Jew haiku, or other funny bit of Jewish humor you’d like to share with others who get the joke, this is the place. 

Please share. 

You’ll be glad you did.

You’re already here and so is the the form.

Share Yours With Us
  1. (valid email required)
  2. (required)
  3. Captcha

cforms contact form by delicious:days

Category : The Submission Form | Blog

A priest, a rabbi, and a minister walk into a bar.

The bartender looks up and says, “What is this, some kind of a joke?!”

Category : Jewish Humor | Blog

A Rabbi and a Priest begin to poke fun at one another on a flight to Los Angeles.
Priest: Rabbi, I just thought I’d ask if sometime, someplace, you once ate some ham–just to see how it tasted?
Rabbi: Yes, I must confess. I was curious. I did eat some ham, but that was years ago.
Rabbi: Father, may I ask you a question?
Priest: Sure.
Rabbi: Well, Father, did you ever, uh–before you took your vows–have sex with any lovely young lady?
Priest: (After a pause) Uh, yes Rabbi, I have to say that I did.
Rabbi: Sure beats ham doesn’t it?

Category : Jewish Humor | Blog

Q: How many Jewish mothers does it take to change a light bulb?

A: (Sigh) Don’t bother, I’ll just sit here in the dark. I don’t want to be a burden to anybody.

Category : Jewish Humor | Jewish Mothers | Blog

A Priest, a Minister, and a Rabbi are discussing what they want people to say when their bodies are displayed in open caskets after they die.

The Priest says he would like someone to say, “He was a righteous man, an honest man, and very generous.”

The Minister says he would like someone to say, “He was very kind and fair, and he was very good to his parishioners.”

The Rabbi says he would want someone to say, “OH LOOK! HE’S MOVING!”

Category : Jewish Humor | Blog

A 22 year-old Gentile tells his mother he’s fallen deeply in love.

“How wonderful,” she says. “I can’t wait to meet her. I just know I’ll love her, too.”

Category : Gentile Jokes | Mothers | Blog

So, a Jewish boy is about to go off to college to study accounting in order to manage the books for his father’s business. Before he goes, his father tells him, “Listen. I know that we aren’t very religious, but promise me one thing. Promise me that you won’t marry a shiksa.” The son is taken aback but sees that his father is serious and so he gives him his word that he won’t.

A few years into college, he meets a very nice non-Jewish girl and they fall in love. He tells her that he can’t marry her because he promised his dad he wouldn’t marry a non-Jewish girl.

She thinks about this, and decides she loves the son so much that she’ll convert for him. She studies Judaism for a year and converts. They get married and move back near his father house.

A few months after they move back, the father comes to the son and tells him that he wants to get together that Saturday Morning in order to balance the books. Saturday Morning comes, and the son doesn’t show up. He calls the son and gets no answer. Finally, worried about his son, he drives over to his sons house and frantically knocks on the door.

The son calmly answers the door and the father is furious! He starts yelling, “Where were you?!? I’ve been worried half to death!”

The son says, “Listen, I’m sorry, but my wife told me that I’m not allowed to use the phone or balance the books on Saturday. She wouldn’t let me come over.”

At this, the father finally snaps, “I TOLD YOU NOT TO MARRY A SHIKSA!!!!”

Category : Gentile Jokes | Blog